Friday, January 30, 2015

LOVERS' CORNER: Sex Talk in Relationships Pt 2

LOVERS' CORNER: Sex Talk in Relationships Pt 2: Welcome to the part 2 of Sex talk in relationships          Each person need to tell the other party his or her expectations about sex in ...

Sex Talk in Relationships Pt 2

Welcome to the part 2 of Sex talk in relationships
         Each person need to tell the other party his or her expectations about sex in marriage are.  This cannot be overemphasized.  Marriage Statistics shows that one of the significant issues in marriage is the lack of the understanding of sex.
Intending couples are to obtain significant knowledge in this area.  Both of them need to share this knowledge. That is the essence of the talk.  There are books that deal effectively with it. One of them that I will recommend for those intending to get married is Act of Marriage by Tim and Beverly Lahaye.
The authors are experienced counselors having help couples over the years to resolve conflicts and misunderstandings. They are experts in matters relating to love relationships.  They have help lot of people build a happy relationship.  Why should sex issues in relationship bring and frustration when it can be prevented?  Sex in marriage shouldn't be an issue when it is discussed.
         Kemi (not real name) got married at 25 as a virgin. All this while she had nursed the mindset that her first night with his man will be hell for her. Each time she thinks about her sex life after wedding her heartbeats increase.  She equally thinks she will not be able to satisfy her partner.
Then one day his fiance insisted they talk about how their sex life was going to be when they get married. She expressed her mind to her fiance who was mature and had acquired some knowledge in that regard. Good of her. The fiance was glad to know that her fiancee did not hide the myth of  being a virgin before marriage. He assured her and told her measures that will be taken to handle their first night intimacy.
He equally planned that they talk to their marriage counselor about it.
There is nothing as good in relationship as two people being able to freely share their thoughts with each other without fear of criticism or rejection. Kemi shares her story after marriage and she is happy with her sex life.
If you have got issues unresolved about sex which can either directly or indirectly affect your marriage sex life, it is high time you discussed it with your partner and a trusted authority over your relationship.
Thanks for reading.


Many waters cannot quench love...Palestinian King

Monday, January 26, 2015

Sex Talk In Relationships Part 1

          Among many topics to be discussed in a relationship is Sex. Every adult knows one or two things about the topic either through books, discussions, movies etc. But what really is sex talk in relationships like?
It is a productive sharing of ideas, facts and knowledge about sex in order to clear doubts, fears, myths and misconceptions and to bring the two parties in courtship to the same platform regardless of what their sex lives have being like in the past. Sorry, if that sentence is too long.
In short, it is a communication between both parties of their idea of sex and their expectations of it in marriage. It is not meant to stir up emotions, far from it, or neither is it to be done frivolously.  Its intent is to bring the duo to a mutual understanding of it. Thus creating building a good foundation ahead of marriage.
         God intends sex to be between a man and a woman who has been joined together in God's way through an authority.  Only in that way will it bring joy and and not pain and regret.
The first man, Adam knew his Eve wife.  Notice it says wife not his fiancee or just a lady on the street.
Samson who knew just any lady has stories to tell about it.  It was not a pleasant story though.
         Each person has an idea of what sex in marriage is. For some, the idea brings confidence, while for others it brings mixed feelings of fear and uncertainty.  The female gender tends to have fear and uncertainties especially if she is a virgin. However, being a virgin is a blessing. There is nothing wrong being a virgin regardless of what the decadent society thinks about it.  Virginity brings dignity.
If you are still a virgin, keep it until you are married because you will definitely find the right person who cherish it.
Sex talk brings the two parties to the same level of understanding and expectation.  It is really important to discuss if one party has been sexually active  before meeting the other person who has not.
The party that is sexually active tends to have a high expectation of the other person but this is expected to be discussed  and a common ground reached...to be continued in the next post.


For the love of Christ controls us, having concluded this, that one died for all, therefore all died;  Scriptures.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015


Being a good person who is prepared for marriage is as important as finding a good person to marry. Jide Alo

Saturday, January 17, 2015

Is He an Acquaintance, Friend or a Potential?

 Life is designed in such a way that we meet people from time to time.  Every person needs to define the level of his/her relationship with the opposite sex as he or she meets them.  The advent of the social media has provided a large platform where people from anywhere in the world can meet one another. Thus  a huge network of relationship is created.
         However, it is necessary to define your relationship.  A young man can easily think because a that lady greets him well or show love in a certain way, will be good for a love relationship. Or a young lady can easily mistaken the care of a young man for his interest in her.
Here comes the question? Is this person we seem to be close and communicating with just an acquaintance or a good friend or may be he or she fits our life purpose and our 'standard'?

Many singles usually mistake being close to the other party a 'divine' arrangement in getting a life partner.
I am not saying such arrangement can't connect you with your partner but it shouldn't be the preoccupation of the mind in the day to day affairs. 
      The mind should be focused on personal development and how to make a positive impact. For example, a student should focus on getting good grades in school rather than anticipating meeting a partner. Excellence provides a good foundation for love relationship.
It is not strange that so many young people are not excelling in their job or employment because their minds and energy is focused searching for a match.They leave their employers wondering why they are not productive at work.
       There are people who will only be your acquaintances. You relate well with them but they are not as close as a friend.
       There are those who will be friends.  They add value to your life and want the best for you. You also add values to them. Nothing more.
       There is the person you are convinced you have found who will partner with you for life journey.
       Here is a point to note: Life brings acquaintances and friends into our lives so we can learn how to treat our partners before they arrive at the scene. As a man, other ladies you meet as you grow up is your training on how to treat your woman when you eventually find her. A lady who respects and relates well with her male acquaintances and friends and at the same time maintains her moral standard will surely make a good wife for her man when she is found.
So being able to define relationships will lessen one's burden and sharpen focus. Thanks for reading. 
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Love constrains us...Scriptures

Thursday, January 15, 2015


Good relationships don't just happen.  They take Time, Patience, and Two People Who Truly Want To Be Together.... Anonymous.
Love is spelt as T-I-M-E
Patience is a test of character... Jide Alo

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Self Esteem


The Merriam Webster dictionary defines self esteem as a confidence and satisfaction in oneself. Sense of personal worth and ability that is fundamental to an individual's identity.

In the last post, I emphasized why courtship should be chosen rather than dating. The former is willing to take responsibilities and it has a focus while the latter is purposeless and at the end brings pain and heart ache to the parties involved.

In this post, I want to link success in relationship to the value each party places on themselves.

In other words, what each person thinks he/she worth.

In case you have forgotten, let me quickly remind you.

You are special

You are one in a lifetime

Uniquely configured to do great things

Loved by the Creator of all things

Fearfully and wonderfully made

A king and a priest with the power to reign

Everybody waits for your manifestation

You can do things well

There is so much improvement you can bring to people's lives both locally and internationally

Let me ask you a question: What do you think of yourself?

Is it the thought of failure or the thought of being not beautiful enough?

Is it the thought of problems or the thought of a problem solving?

Is it the thought of lack or the thoughts of abundance?

How you think of yourself really matters.

When you go into a relationship with the lack of self esteem, it usually posses some problems. The conclusion that is usually made is that the relationship cannot work. When in the really sense it is the individuals with poor self esteem that didn't make it work.

There is no way a person can be satisfied with the other partner when he or she is not even satisfied with him/herself.

A lady who does not know her worth would think sleeping to keep a man is the best option she has. When in the actual sense, she is the wife somebody is looking for to love, cherish and nurture.

A young man who does not know his worth would not offer his partner wisdom, leadership or purpose rather he would only want to derive pleasure from his partner.

Whether you are a fiance or fiancee or intending to be one later, don't forget you have something unique in you which your relationship is supposed to bring out.

Don't lower your worth just to keep someone in your life. Find someone that is willing to give you what you're worth. Thanks for reading. Love you all.

Monday, January 12, 2015

Dating Versus Courtship

Does God really intend us to try out many people before we reach the choice of a partner?
Is Dating the same as courtship?
Can't I just be trying as many ladies or young men till I find the one that suits me?
Do I have to submit myself to an authority when I make my choice?

Considering how relationships began in the scriptures, each person must first come to the realization that each relationship is important to God.  God wants to be at the beginning of it. He wants to use EVERY relationship as his tool to accomplish something greater and bigger than each individual can ever imagine. When Abraham and Sarah's relationship started, they wouldn't have ever imagined that in their seed would all the nations of the earth be blessed and that generations to come would refer to them as the father and mother of faith.
Aquilla and Prisicilla in the new testament were two people whose relationship was used of God to make impact on the early church. Paul the Apostle who never married refers to them giving a good report of them to a church.
      Courtship starts in God and with a purpose clearly stated. It is subjected to the right authority for accountability.
      Dating on the other hand is a 'love' relationship between a male and a female that never has a plan to bear responsibility or fulfill God's purpose. It only utilizes the romantic and emotional part of the duo.
Dating says "I dont even know if you are the best for me, but let me experiment with you for some time. If I don't get what I want then off I go.'  It is self-centered and short-sighted. In most cases, it equates love with sex.
      I am writing this to the few who wants to achieve the best for their life and who will become inspirations to others. Let your relationship follow rules and order. Let everything be done decently and in order, so says the scriptures. Only an orderly relationship becomes a great and inspiring one.  One to be envied and which commands respect.
I encourage you to be disciplined in the choice of your partner and be satisfied with the one you find. Godliness with contentment is a great gain.
God is more willing to give you the best than you want to have. So choose courtship. The love relationship that culminates into marriage and not romance or self gratification. You are meant to honour your partner and make him or her better than when you met.
In the midst of moral decadence, while values are being eroded, choose to be a standard. It may cost a price. But it worths it in the end.
Thanks for reading this. I will like to hear your comments.

Quote of the Day

Being loved is important; but loving people is more important.

Monday, January 5, 2015

Sunday, January 4, 2015

Saturday, January 3, 2015

Planning your relationship and working the plan in the New year

Welcome to 2015! 
It is a year of opportunities for relationships to be built and older relationships made stronger. For you to obtain a different and a better result this year, you may need to device a plan for it and start working on the plan. If you hope to start a love relationship, you will have to prepare yourself.
Take time to pray, study the word and seek for advice on the right choice. You equally need to seek for knowledge on what to make a relationship work. Read books on relationship and courtship, thus developing your capacity so you can be an asset to your partner when you eventually meet him or her.
 If you are already in one, you will have sit down to analyse how your relationship went in 2014. What were your successes and failures. What did both of you achieve together; in what ways were you a blessing to your family and friends.
What vision is driving both of you and whether you both are still living by the vision.
This is the time to renew your commitments to each other.  Two are better than one.  So the achievements of both of you this year should definitely be greater than each of you can have if you were alone.
Love is beautiful, but must it comes along with responsibility and accountability.

Whether you are in a relationship with marriage in view or planning to get into one, allow God to lead you because only in Him does a relationship have meaning.
Wishing everyone a happy new year. Love you all.
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Love Quote of the Day

Love means living the way God commanded us to live.  As you have heard from the beginning, his command is this: live a life of love. Scriptures.